Talkin’ Music: Jr. Gong

Admitting that you listen to one of Bob Marley’s kids is like admitting that you think Jenna Bush is talented. Oh sure, you can say that you like her Texas accent or that you think she’s sweet on The Today Show (as my mother often does) but talented? I shudder to think about how many Patsy Cline songs those poor Secret Service agents had to suffer through in random shithole bars around Austin, Texas.

I have trouble listening to Ziggy Marley purely because of his first name; Stephen Marley’s not bad, but I can’t help thinking that he’s the Stephen Baldwin of the family, and no one’s seen Rohan Marley since he impregnated Lauryn Hill, which is probably not a coincidence.

But Bob Marley’s youngest son, Damian “Jr. Gong” Marley, is good. I mean reeeeally good! Remember how Jennifer Lopez starred in that movie about Selena and then just decided to become Selena? Yeah, that was creepy, right? Well, if anything were to ever happen to Jr. Gong, I kinda have fantasies about doing the same thing. (And let’s be honest: Jr. Gong doesn’t appear to be living the healthiest lifestyle!)

So if these blogposts dry up and the name “Scottzilla” suddenly appears on the bill at Sunsplash, everyone will know what happened.

Here’s my ‘Big Three’ Jr. Gong songs:

Lebron: Welcome to Jamrock (Apparently this song is not available on Spotify. Too Awesome?)

D Wade: As We Enter by Nas & Jr. Gong (Only Nas would compare himself and Jr. Gong to “two Obamas.” I’ve heard many things said about the President, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard anybody say, “Hey, let’s clone him and teach one of the clones to speak patois and the other to speak “rapstar.”)

Otherguy: I Come Prepared by K’naan & Jr. Gong (“How many immigrants are in this here sedan?”)

Another brilliant Jr. Gong lyric is the first verse to Promise Land, in which he superimposes a map of the USA over a map of Africa. (“Imagine Laos like Las Vegas”) But I can’t in good conscience recommend this song because Nas goes “Jenna Bush” on the track. If you want to listen to it, I recommend stopping the song after 1:30, otherwise you’ll have to suffer through Nas rhyming “Porsches” and “Basquiat portraits.” Ouch!

(I’ve been a Nas fan for a long time, but that guy needs a mute button sometimes!)

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