For years, I’ve been the founder, President, and seemingly only member of the White, Totally unapologetic Fans of Kanye West Club (also know as the WTF Kanye West Club). Our motto is “We don’t care what people say… and/or do at award shows.” (Honestly, who still watches those godawful things?)
Kanye’s new album, “Yeezus,” drops today. I love the title because it allows me to pontificate on the similarities between Kanye’s career and Philip Pullman’s novel “The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ.”
The premise of Pullman’s book is that the Virgin Mary actually gave birth to twins. One is a nice guy; the other is kind of a dick. A similar duality can be identified within Kanye’s career. For example: in Runaway, the suggestion is made that a woman should stay with an unfaithful boyfriend simply because, if she doesn’t, she’ll no longer be able to afford designer clothing. What a total dick thing to say! That’s the Scoundrel Yeezy. But immediately after this verse, the song’s chorus ends by pleading: “I don’t know how I’m gonna manage, if one day you just up and leave.” That’s the Good Man ‘Ye (OK, it’s actually Pusha T, but you get what I’m saying.)
Here’s my ‘Big Three’ songs by the Good Man ‘Ye:
Lebron: The School Spirit Trilogy from”College Dropout”
Before he hated on haters, the paparazzi, South Park writers, Mitt Romney’s tax accountants, K. Hump, and videos not made by Beyonce, Kanye had a few pointed things to say about college.
D Wade: Gone from “Late Registration”
Just imagine if Kanye had made good on his threat to move to Oklahoma City. With him and Russell Westbrook living in the same city, the Fashion Police would’ve been working overtime!
Otherguy: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly from Consequence’s “Don’t Quit Your Day Job”
Kanye’s verse on this little known song, off a litter known album, begins with the lines, “Good morning to… umm… I don’t remember your name/But I remember the brain, here go some fare for the train.” The Good Man ‘Ye has a great sense of humor; on the other hand, the Scoundrel Yeezy is a humorless bastard.
Here’s my ‘Big Three’ lyrics by the Scoundrel Yeezy:
Lebron: “R. Kelly and the God of rap/ Shitting on you, holy crap” from To the World.
If you’re going to deify yourself, shouldn’t your first announcement be something more celestial than “Shitting on you, holy crap?”
D Wade: “Shit is real, got me feeling Israelian/ Like Bar Refaeli, Gisele… nah that’s Brazilian/ Went through deep depression when my momma passed” from Clique.
Don’t you just hate it when somebody makes a joke and then immediately tells you that his mother’s dead? “HA! HA!… Your mother’s dead?… O shit, that’s not what I was laughing at!”
Otherguy: “Something wrong, I hold my head/ MJ gone, that nigga dead/ I slapped my girl, she called the feds” from All of the Lights.
You know what’s really hard to do in a rap song? Write a clever rhyme about domestic violence. And you know what’s really really hard to do in a rap song? Write a clever rhyme about domestic violence immediately after a Michael Jackson joke.